So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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