we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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