Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
