Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
