did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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