I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
