I checked into jail on foursquare
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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