anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
