my vag is so smooth its legendary
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
