I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
