Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
organizing the empties. That sober.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
