Can i not drive my cunt home
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this will be a night to untag.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
