its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
