your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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