im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
