After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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