I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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