im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
