i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize