Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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