i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
