i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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