i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
