just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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