Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
