its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
