so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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