Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
