At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
