i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
