It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
whose ass print is on the piano?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
