I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
