: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
