Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
