Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
