how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so that wasnt chicken after all
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
