I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
