So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
