Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
