I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
