She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
