i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize