I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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