No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
