get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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