Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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