i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
ttyl tear gas
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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