I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize