I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
