I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize