my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Two words: blizzard sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
