Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
