Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
