rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
