Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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