Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
