Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
