That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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