Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
