He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
