I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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