I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
