mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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