I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
