I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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