I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize