So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
