sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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