if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They have beer where we have blood.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
