if i can run in heels then i can drive
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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