I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Small penises have feelings too.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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