Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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