Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
organizing the empties. That sober.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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