she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
