hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
