she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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