I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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