I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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