And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
