Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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