Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize