I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
