think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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