Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
