chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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