I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
