I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
