No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
