he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
