I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
