I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
