i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
