How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
