ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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