What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
