he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
